Giving More By Taking Back

metal heart.jpg

“I’m very cautious about who has access to me lately. And it’s not out of arrogance. It’s out of the need to protect my space and energy as I continue to do the work to elevate myself. This chapter requires me to be a little less accessible.”

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Proactive Laziness…Sometimes We Need Breaks From the Things We Love Most

recharge

Last spring I was getting really burned out with taekwondo. I think it had less to do with the pressure I was under to test for bo dan (and later that year black belt) and more to do with crippling depression and anxiety that set in during a particularly nasty and icy February and lasted through…hmm…May. I also went through a very painful break up a week after I tested for bo dan, I was in a lull at work, and was becoming increasingly isolated at home.

Everything kinda sucked, and it followed me to the dojang. I was unmotivated, cranky, disappointed in my performance, and tired of dragging myself to class. I needed a break. I took a little time off, although I didn’t feel much better. Life in general started to improve in June, and by the time my black belt test rolled around in October, I was a much happier and more confident version of myself. I never told anyone how bad things were in the early part of last year. As I always do, I kept the worst parts to myself and dealt with my pain privately and independently. That’s how I prefer to handle things.
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Learning to Be Human

girl cyborg
Not me, but…kinda…yeah

“Did I hold you over?” my instructor asked as I scurried to the front of the dojang after a late night class. I usually walk fast because I have short legs and lots of places to go, but I also had a few troubling things on my mind, and I wanted to get home so I could stew and sulk in peace.
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How an Introvert Ended Up Talking by Day and Yelling by Night

introvert
Oh if only I had this! Add a doormat that says “GO AWAY” and I’m all set.

Yesterday I conducted a workshop for a tough crowd of nurses despite having a voice weakened by allergies and an absent second speaker, and then I went to taekwondo class where I jumped around and yelled with my classmates and worked on my sad-looking flying side and turning back side kicks. I didn’t get nervous at all. If you had told me twenty or even ten years ago that that’s how I would be spending my Monday I would have run away screaming.
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Cabin Fever

out sick

Today my neighbor knocked on my door around noon to see if I was ok. He and his wife had noticed my car had stayed in the drive for a few days. I think his wife sent him around to make sure I wasn’t dead. I thanked him for his concern and explained that I had been home from work with a bad cold for a few days. I was really touched that he checked on me. It’s nice to know someone will find me before I’m completely devoured by maggots.
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