“I’m very cautious about who has access to me lately. And it’s not out of arrogance. It’s out of the need to protect my space and energy as I continue to do the work to elevate myself. This chapter requires me to be a little less accessible.”
Proactive Laziness…Sometimes We Need Breaks From the Things We Love Most
Last spring I was getting really burned out with taekwondo. I think it had less to do with the pressure I was under to test for bo dan (and later that year black belt) and more to do with crippling depression and anxiety that set in during a particularly nasty and icy February and lasted through…hmm…May. I also went through a very painful break up a week after I tested for bo dan, I was in a lull at work, and was becoming increasingly isolated at home.
Everything kinda sucked, and it followed me to the dojang. I was unmotivated, cranky, disappointed in my performance, and tired of dragging myself to class. I needed a break. I took a little time off, although I didn’t feel much better. Life in general started to improve in June, and by the time my black belt test rolled around in October, I was a much happier and more confident version of myself. I never told anyone how bad things were in the early part of last year. As I always do, I kept the worst parts to myself and dealt with my pain privately and independently. That’s how I prefer to handle things.
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Learning to Be Human
“Did I hold you over?” my instructor asked as I scurried to the front of the dojang after a late night class. I usually walk fast because I have short legs and lots of places to go, but I also had a few troubling things on my mind, and I wanted to get home so I could stew and sulk in peace.
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How an Introvert Ended Up Talking by Day and Yelling by Night
Yesterday I conducted a workshop for a tough crowd of nurses despite having a voice weakened by allergies and an absent second speaker, and then I went to taekwondo class where I jumped around and yelled with my classmates and worked on my sad-looking flying side and turning back side kicks. I didn’t get nervous at all. If you had told me twenty or even ten years ago that that’s how I would be spending my Monday I would have run away screaming.
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Cabin Fever
Today my neighbor knocked on my door around noon to see if I was ok. He and his wife had noticed my car had stayed in the drive for a few days. I think his wife sent him around to make sure I wasn’t dead. I thanked him for his concern and explained that I had been home from work with a bad cold for a few days. I was really touched that he checked on me. It’s nice to know someone will find me before I’m completely devoured by maggots.
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