Mdgwrites Confidence, Work and Martial Arts

Imposter Syndrome or Just Feeling Like a Beginner Again?

Dressing for the job I want: pool hustler.

My partner gave me a billiards cue last Christmas and then a glove for my most recent birthday. Despite playing pool for the last several years, I still very much feel like a beginner. I wasn’t sure I “deserved” a good cue until I passed some sort of unwritten, undefined test–like maybe, not feeling self-conscious around all the experts when we play at the pool hall or doing a decent break where the balls don’t end up in a sad cluster or living up to unrealistic expectations of perfection that I unfortunately still put on myself.

What am I trying to prove? Do I need to prove anything at all?

Continue reading “Imposter Syndrome or Just Feeling Like a Beginner Again?” →

Mdgwrites Book, Confidence, Inspiration, Work and Martial Arts

Starting Seems to be the Hardest Word

Taylor Swift might like a “blank space,” but I hate it.

I hate a blank space when I have an assignment for work. I hate a blank space when I’m drafting a blog post. I hate a blank space when I’m working on a larger creative writing project, like a new book.

So I did something dramatic about it. I signed up for NanoWrimo. 

Continue reading “Starting Seems to be the Hardest Word” →

Mdgwrites Guest Writers, Inspiration, Mental Health, Self-Development, Work and Martial Arts

Guest Post: Work-Life Balance Mastery: The Ultimate Self-Care Tips for Busy Entrepreneurs

Whether we work for someone else or for ourselves (or in many cases, both), we need work-life balance to be a functioning human. As a corporate employee and authorpreneur, I carefully use and guard my time so I can get the job done while staying healthy, happy, and relatively stress free. Emma Grace Brown (see her website here) offers self-care tips for busy entrepreneurs. There’s always a rush at the end of the year between getting everything done and taking time off for holidays and family.
Please take care of yourselves and each other.

Image via Pexels

Continue reading “Guest Post: Work-Life Balance Mastery: The Ultimate Self-Care Tips for Busy Entrepreneurs” →

Mdgwrites Challenges, Self-Development, Work and Martial Arts

Do you Love to Win or Hate to Lose?

Win and lose Royalty Free Vector Image - VectorStock

“Do you love to win or hate to lose?”

A high level executive in my company posed this question to a group of leaders at an event several months ago. We work for a large healthcare organization in a metropolitan area. The market shifts so rapidly our heads spin, so it was apropos of her to liken our attitudes toward our work with an air of competitiveness.

Most of us agreed that the company itself operates from more of a “love to win” approach. I don’t mean that as a hippie love-is-in-the-air attitude. It just likes playing the long game. Sometimes too long, but it’s learning to respond more quickly to an unprecedented era in healthcare.

The executive posited that there are advantages and disadvantages to both. If you love to win, you probably have a good long-term strategy. If you hate to lose, you might be more keen to be innovative to get ahead. If you love to win, you might be too slow to make a move. If you hate to lose, you might be too reactive around competition and take costly risks.

At the time I (naively) thought, “I love to win more than I hate to lose.” These days I have a more optimistic outlook than I did a few years ago. I’ve made some needed changes and have witnessed growth in my personal and professional lives. And who doesn’t love to win?

And then I was pressure-tested. There was nothing huge or life-altering that happened. I just experienced the normal ups and downs of life while that question lingered on my mind.

Turns out I’m still more of a “hate to lose” person, to my detriment. I ruminate on when I make mistakes, when I’m corrected, or when I make the wrong choice. Those moments take over my thoughts in a more powerful way than when I’m showing appreciating or celebrating a win. This spans across my personal life, work, and even in the dojang. I think one can use the “hate to lose” attitude to their advantage,  but I haven’t figured that out.

I guess I’m still a perfectionist. Much less so than I was as a much younger woman and even a few years ago, but old habits die hard.

Losing isn’t so bad. I’ve learned lessons every time I’ve lost. If I can’t get away from hating to lose easily, perhaps I can shift to loving to win and learning to lose.

What about you? Do you love to win or hate to lose?

 

Mdgwrites Confidence, Injury and Recovery, Inspiration, Mental Health, Self-Development, Work and Martial Arts

Taking My Own Advice on Feeling Unstuck

Part Two

July 24, 2022, was the two year “an-knee-versary” (yes, I’m going to keep using that word) of my ACL reconstruction surgery.

I had a great weekend using my reconstructed and rehabbed knee. My partner and I swam in our pool Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. On Saturday after my first post-op Body Combat class, we walked about half a mile to a local pub to play pool, have drinks, and eat delicious street tacos, and we did strength training on Sunday before our afternoon swim. Unlike this time last summer, I was not recovering from another arthroscopy. I haven’t reached 100% flexion and extension, but I’m so much closer than I was a year ago.

Despite the current state of the world, I’m feeling more relaxed and optimistic about my future than I have in a long time.

This time last year I wrote a post about “feeling unstuck when there’s no end in sight.” I’d made a lot of progress with my knee, but, progress was still difficult, slow, and at times felt as if it were moving backward.

My life felt like that too. 

I had plenty of moments of feeling pretty bad, but overall I did take the advice I shared in last year’s article. I learned to be patient with my frustration and not get caught in an emotional spiral. I worked on what I could control. I very slowly let go of the need for everything to be perfect and “right.”

The most helpful and yet most infuriating factor: time. I just had to keep doing what I could do to stay sane and get more physically fit and let things work out in time. The deus ex machina I prayed for never came other than a big change at work, and even then, that has required several months of learning and adjusting.

My old therapist Ramona, who is mentioned in my memoir, used to say, “One day at a time…It. Will All. Work. Out.”

So, how to get unstuck? Go back to last year’s article and read the tips. Do what you can, give yourself grace when you can’t, and be patient.

Mdgwrites Confidence, Injury and Recovery, Mental Health, Self-Development, Work and Martial Arts

The Pain of a Pretty Facade: Becoming More Authentic

These pictures were taken about two years and five months apart. I am smiling in both and seem to have gotten my hair to cooperate.

The first photo was taken by a professional photographer as part of a photo shoot package to use for my upcoming book promotion. The second was taken by my partner after we had a delicious dinner to celebrate my upcoming birthday. One photo was taken pre-knee injury, pre-mental breakdown, and pre-weight gain.

Guess which one shows the happier, more authentic me?

Continue reading “The Pain of a Pretty Facade: Becoming More Authentic” →

Mdgwrites Challenges, Confidence, Injury and Recovery, Mental Health, Work and Martial Arts

From Therapy Every Damn Day to Making It On My Own

Two weeks ago I saw my orthopedic surgeon for a six-month check up. We wanted to see my progress after I’d returned to taekwondo training, took up strength training (not the first time in my life, but the first time since my injury), and continued deep tissue massage treatment from a chiropractor. The possibility of a third surgery to remove additional scar tissue still hung in the balance.

He was so happy with my progress he shook my hand and all but released me from care unless I just wanted to visit the office again.

The following week the counselor I’d been seeing shared she was leaving the practice and wondered if I needed to continue sessions with another counselor. We’d gotten down from sessions once a week to once a month, and I admitted to feeling much better overall about my personal and professional woes. I still have lingering depression sometimes, but I am much better at recognizing and addressing it.

We decided to end my therapy knowing I could always come back if I needed help again.

Today I saw my chiropractor for more torment–I mean treatment, and he reduced our visit cadence from every two weeks to once a month.

Meanwhile, I’ve noticed some recent reader traction on last year’s post Therapy Every Damn Day. 

In that post I wondered if the “down for maintenance time” was necessary for rest and renewal. I spent so much money on healthcare last year that I was able to get a tax break. Was it worth it?

Short answer–yes.

Nearly a year after I wrote that post I have to appreciate how far I’ve come: I DON’T need another scar tissue surgery and am finally seeing more movement with knee extension and flexion–scar tissue build up has been the bane of my existence since ACL reconstruction in July 2020. I don’t hate my job or my life any more, and when I do feel down I have better ways of coping. I’m NOT starving myself any more and pretty much kicked the habits of a thirty-year-old eating disorder.

Life is good. I’m doing well and am able to fully enjoy being back in taekwondo. Third dan test, here I come.

 

Mdgwrites Challenges, Inspiration, Mental Health, Self-Development, Work and Martial Arts

Frustrated, Disappointed, Burned Out — So I Changed My Outlook (and Went to Taekwondo Class)

See the source image

Last Wednesday I found out that I did not place in a book contest I’d entered my memoir in. This came on the heels of a disappointing (and expensive) marketing campaign and seeing a smarmy swath of authors from my publishing cohort bragging (rightfully so, to be fair) on social media about sales, interviews, awards, or other book-selling wins. Their books are good…but g-ddamnit, so is mine. It’s really good.

Continue reading “Frustrated, Disappointed, Burned Out — So I Changed My Outlook (and Went to Taekwondo Class)” →

Mdgwrites Book, Challenges, Mental Health, Self-Development, Work and Martial Arts

Finding a Happy Medium After a Two-Year Emotional Roller Coaster

My life since March 2020.

Some time in late November, my publisher advertised a webinar focused on preparing authors to give a TED Talk or TED Talk-like speech. 

“I want to give a TED Talk!” I thought. Why not? My book is interesting; talking about mental health is very timely; and I have ten years of public speaking experience. 

The problem was…I wasn’t really living my imaginary TED Talk. With my memoir and various articles and podcasts I’ve told a compelling beginning and middle of a story, but I find myself further from the end (or a picturesque “happy ending”) than I thought I’d be. 

Continue reading “Finding a Happy Medium After a Two-Year Emotional Roller Coaster” →

Mdgwrites Mental Health, Work and Martial Arts

How to Talk to Your Boss About Your Mental Health

As the economy picks up, people get new jobs, or continue in their current roles, it seems like there’s the expectation to return to “business as usual.” Six months into 2021, and we’re not back to “business as usual.” We’re all still dealing with the fallout of the collective multiple traumas of 2020, and many people dealt with individual crises. Some people, like me, have been triggered back into active mental illness, while others are facing it for the first time.

This can affect the way we work, and we need to be able to have open, honest conversations about it with our bosses. Check out my article on Fast Company, How to Talk to Your Boss About Your Mental Health, for tips on what you can do to preserve your mental and emotional well-being.