When regular contributor Emma Grace Brown sent me her article about avoiding burnout, I thought, “What perfect timing!” I’m currently on a hiatus from taekwondo because I am, in fact, burned out. There were many other life-related factors that led to my decision at the end of last year to take a few months off, which I may explore in a future blog post. For now, it’s the right thing for me, and I will return to what I love eventually. I’m going to take Emma’s words to heart and think about how I can approach my training differently when I return.
Laundry, check. Work meeting, check. Taekwondo, check.
I had a thought the other day, just a fleeting thought, that maybe I’d quit taekwondo for a while and get more into Pilates and yoga, both of which I’ve practiced since college (off and on for Pilates, consistently for yoga). Or finish my g-ddamn novel I’ve been working on since 2023. Or just enjoy the time off with whatever I wanted.
I like my taekwondo school and all the people there, and I love how I feel after every class, even on days when I’m tired or irritated or wishing I’d stayed home to watch TV. I only go two days a week, but for some reason, even those two hours out of the week feel like an imposition.
It doesn’t feel so much like a time drain as it does an energy drain.
There was a year or two where I was going to taekwondo five or six days a week, sometimes for multiple classes in a day. That fed my soul and made me so very happy. Also I’ll note at the time I was single and didn’t like my job much and was content with just coasting. I might even consider my connection to taekwondo as an unhealthy, co-dependent one; one addiction replacing another and filling a very large hole gouged in my heart by emotional turmoil, mental illnesses, and stupid choices. But, that’s what I needed at the time to find happiness.
Now, other than the home I live in, my life is very different than it was ten years ago when I got my first degree black belt. I’m much more career-minded (it helps when you have a boss and work you like) and have this author thing I keep trying to kick off the ground, published memoir notwithstanding. I’ve also been in a relationship for several years, but it helps that he’s a taekwondo person too. I’m still a black belt, and I still love taekwondo, but I’m not the same black belt I was in my mid-thirties.
Maybe I’m still learning how to find balance rather than the all or nothing extreme. I did the “all” for several years, and then “nothing” for a year and a half while I recovered from two knee surgeries, which was its own bucket of drama.
It’s not taekwondo’s fault that I feel restless and like I’m not accomplishing what I want to. It’s an easy scapegoat and something easier to drop from my life than my job or home maintenance. This is telling me that rather than follow an impulsive whim to cut out something that is positive in my life, I can examine my whole life and where I’m prioritizing my energy. A portfolio rebalance, if you will.
Taekwondo no longer fills a void in my heart. My heart is whole, thanks to taekwondo but mostly thanks to the work I’ve done on my emotional and mental health. It fills a much smaller spot, and that’s okay.
Maybe I’m just bullshitting and blowing off steam. I’m still going to class tomorrow night, and I know I’ll feel great.
I’ve been wanting to write an article for a while about burnout. The irony isn’t lost on me that it’s taken me over a month to get thoughts to screen because I’ve been “too busy.”
The first time the thought for the article crossed my mind I was at home, having taken Good Friday, April 18, off after a very busy week of work and two full days of being in a training program. I’d also been dealing with severe insomnia, which I attributed to peri-menopausal weirdness but realize in hindsight was exacerbated by stress and burnout. I’d hoped to spend that Friday doing something fun or spending time on one or more of my hobbies, but because I was so exhausted, I spent the day napping on the couch while I waited for the HVAC guy to show up to install a part and do the biannual check-up since that was the only free time I’d had all month.
I was too burned out to write an article about burnout.
The holidays are over, and we’re back in full swing! Busy schedules, yaaaaayy! Part of being a well-rounded martial artist is caring for one’s mental health and well-being. Emma Grace Brown has contributed several articles on wellness and self-care to this blog. In this article she shares several tips for balancing a busy life with effective stress-reducing actions.
If you would like to write a guest article for Little Black Belt, see guest writer guidelines here. ~Melanie
First of all…hi. It’s been a month since I published anything here so welcome back and thank you for reading. For the past two months I’ve mostly been focused on getting through each day, just like everyone else has in the COVID-19 crisis. I’ve had ups, downs, and am finally starting to feel more leveled out and balanced.
February has been so busy we just had to have another day! (Happy Leap Day!)
At one point during this barrel race of a month I remarked to a coworker that I felt like I was back in high school doing last-minute run-throughs for one-act play contest.
When we think about finding balance in life, the concept of work-life balance often comes to mind, but the concept of balance is applicable to every aspect of our lives. It can feel like, though, we are living in a world that forces us to choose extremes: live the fast-paced urban lifestyle or be an anti-tech hermetic living in one of those innovative and super cute micro-houses. Be a minimalist or max out your credit cards. Be obese in a fast food nation or wear size 0 yoga pants on the gluten-free train. Be a stay-at-home mom or be completely devoted to your career.
