I’m blessed to have a number of guest writers offer their unique perspectives and expertise on this blog just about every month. When Cindy Villanueva contacted me about sharing her writing, I jumped at the chance. Besides our obvious connection of being female martial artists and black belts, Cindy and I have a lot in common. We both have ties to Texas, we’re authors, and, like me, Cindy has benefited greatly from the emotional and mental aspects of martial arts.
This blog post explores universal truths Cindy has gleaned from her decades of martial arts practice.
Enjoy Cindy’s insights below, and be sure to check out her website and her book, Don’t Fight Mad.
Seven Important Truths From Martial Arts
Martial arts isn’t something I ever thought I’d get into. But 30 years ago, I walked into a studio with my three kids, ages 13, 10, and 8, and never looked back. Now I’m getting ready to test for my 8th degree black belt in the Ernie Reyes West Coast World Martial Arts system and I own a school in Austin, TX.
But along the way, I’ve learned that martial arts is far more than kicking and punching. It’s more than self-defense. It’s truly do…a way of life.
I gleaned these seven important truths from my martial arts life, but you don’t have to be a martial artist to gain insight and find life success from them. I’ve found that these are universal concepts that can help us overcome tragedy, trauma, and the daily challenges of life. It’s my hope you’ll find them valuable.
Get in the ring: When life knocks you out, it’s our inclination to step out of the ring and become spectators. We stop taking risks and start playing it safe. But life isn’t lived from the cheap seats.
Get in the right ring: When I go to tournaments, I don’t register for the heavyweight men’s black belt division. The only thing I have in common with those guys is a black belt. It’s not my ring and I won’t be successful. Neither do I enter the Little Dragons rings where I’d win every bout—and do nothing for my self-esteem. Find the ring that’s right for you—a ring where you’ll be challenged but have a reasonable chance to succeed.
Get prepared: Before you reenter the fray, do the things that prepare you. I never step in the ring without my protective gear. Likewise, when I got knocked out by life, I looked for ways to prepare to get back in there. For me, it was going to graduate school for an MBA and a wonderful therapist. For you, maybe it’s school, a yoga class, a meditation group, or counseling. Don’t rush into the ring without adequate preparation!
Get comfortable with punches: Most students don’t worry about getting hit—they worry about hitting. Especially my girl students! But no one wins a match through defense. You have to score some points and you have to hit back. When life strikes you—and it will—there’s nothing wrong with hitting back. Stop being a punching bag for people and situations that do not serve you.
Don’t fight mad: When I was a blue belt, I used to get furious when someone would score a point against me in a sparring match. I had a wise instructor who stopped me and said, “Cindy, don’t fight mad. When you fight mad, you don’t see what’s coming and you miss opportunities.” What sage advice for life! Whether it’s reacting in anger, resentment, bitterness, lack of forgiveness, or shame, we don’t see what’s coming and we miss opportunities. Letting go of negative emotions doesn’t mean letting people off the hook. It means freeing yourself to become your best.
Mix it up: It’s tempting to do what we know over and over…and over. But as the saying goes, “What got you here won’t get you there.” I love a fake front roundhouse kick (sometimes called a question mark kick) but it’s certainly not the only technique I throw in a match. If you’re stuck in a rut, go back to step three and get prepared in a new way. Take a risk—life is an adventure!
Listen to your coach: After you’ve been knocked out by life, it’s hard to believe in yourself. We see opportunities and we fear that we aren’t up to the challenge, that we just don’t have what it takes to succeed. Until you build your confidence, find someone who believes in you and can encourage you. A coach will tell you when to counterpunch and when to attack—your beat up heart will tell you to cower or give in. But if you’l listen to your coach, one day you’ll trust your abilities and be open to opportunities and you’ll get in there with power and strength all on your own. Until then, find that person who can be your cheerleader and coach.
Lastly, when you’ve overcome one of life’s terrible challenges, it’s very tempting to take the lessons you’ve learned and put them in a tidy box on a shelf.
Don’t do it.
Won’t you take what you’ve learned and share it with someone else? Give someone the benefit of your hard-won wisdom, the tools that might help her overcome her own difficulty.
Be kind. Be generous. Be loving.
It’s why I wrote the book, Don’t Fight Mad: A Black Belt’s Quest to Recapture Joy. I spill all my own tragedies, along with the process I learned to overcome them. If this short version has helped you (or at least made you think!), I’d love to hear from you. Follow me on my website, on Substack, on Facebook, and on Instagram.
Bio
Cindy Villanueva is a 7th degree black belt master instructor with the 40-school Ernie Reyes West Coast World Martial Arts Association, and the owner of the Austin, TX studio. She is the founder and principal of Knockout Marketing Strategies, a boutique marketing communications consulting firm, and a senior adjunct professor in the College of Business and Communication at Concordia University Texas, where she earned her MBA. She is the author of Don’t Fight Mad: A Black Belt’s Quest to Recapture Joy(2021). Her first novel, Bread Pudding in Barcelona, will launch in May 2024. Originally from California, Cindy now lives in Florida. She is the mother of four adult children (three of whom are black belts!) and grandmother of two.
