The case for tooting your own horn

Two of the five tenets of taekwondo are self-control and integrity. Humility is also a characteristic that is valued across several martial arts. 

Take a shy kid at heart, combine her with martial artist humility and a smidge of imposter syndrome, and you get someone who isn’t very comfortable bragging on herself. 

But sometimes that does us good. 

A few weeks ago I opened my email to a surprise of 300 points awarded from my boss, which in my company, are used to purchase anything from gift cards to televisions. The reason for the points was that she said the stories I’d shared with her were “inspiring.” The day before I’d told her how on two separate occasions, a leader told me they were very happy when they found out I’d be their coach for a leadership program my team manages. My boss was glad people were expressing their gratitude and that I was truly making a difference in the lives of leaders.

That same day I met with a director and his supervising officer to round out a development experience during which I’d been the director’s coach. The director wanted to grow influential skills, and the officer shared a poignant observation: our organization has “high-performing but humble leaders. In a culture of ‘we, not me,’ we need to find balance in self-advocacy. People can get lost in a large organization.”

Maybe you were raised in a family that was loving, hard-working, and accomplished great things, but they never said a word about it. Maybe humility was touted as a virtue in your schooling or religious education. Maybe your martial arts training instilled a quiet humility that kept your ego in check. (Sparring with people much faster and younger than me is what usually keeps my ego in check.)

I have learned over the past three years of going from hating my job and life in general to loving it all that advocating for myself comes back to me tenfold. I’m showing my value when I show people with influence that what they give me has been time, money, and resources well spent. The ways I’ve been able to grow not only make me much happier, but they help me accomplish great things that benefit other people. Sometimes my work speaks for itself, but other times, I need to put a voice to my work.

I didn’t tell my boss about the compliments from my coachees to boast from a pure ego state or to curry favor. I told her because it made me feel good and I was grateful for the opportunity, because I love coaching and want to do more, and to show that decisions made on my behalf and the people I’m serving have paid off. 

So go on, tell somebody about something you’re proud of. Spreading positivity is nothing to be ashamed of or something to hide. And besides, confidence is also a characteristic of a strong martial artist, so wear yours proudly.