In 2022 I wrote an article for the online web magazine Martial Journal about being in a martial arts cult. It was something I was reluctant to talk about but felt it was important to say. Since then I’ve had a steady stream of messages from people who could relate. Obviously this is something that needs to be talked about openly.
Martial arts can be wonderful and beneficial influences in our lives, but anything taken to an extreme can have a dark side, especially if the person or people in power take advantage of those who just wanted to do something they enjoyed.
S [identity protected for privacy], a fellow martial artist, bravely shares her story of the pain of realizing she was in a bad situation and the joy of freedom.
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S’s Story
I started my kung fu journey at the age of seven. I fell out of love with it in my freshman year of college and cut ties with everything I knew the next fall. It was shortly after I left that I realized that my school fit every single factor of a cult. When I left, I was hurt, angry, sad, and disappointed. How had something that used to bring so much joy to my life was now hurting me? Sometimes even regretted my decision in leaving. Looking back, I now know I wasn’t the only one who left that felt that way.
The school I was a part of boasted over fifty years of training, multiple world champions, and black belt secrets. I wasn’t a full-time instructor, but I was still deep in its teachings. I taught the forms and kicks taught to me, and passed down my knowledge to my students. It was when I got my instructor manual that something was wrong. On one of the first pages, we were told that our martial art was the only one worth knowing, and that it was the best. There were other pages on how to “professionally” shit talk other forms of martial arts. Any questions I asked about this manual lead to me being reprimanded by higher ranking instructors about how I haven’t earned the right to ask questions.
The amount of money my parents and I spent on extra training, tournaments, and intensives on top of my annual tuition was extraordinary. I remember almost an entire paycheck going to a tournament and intensive that I was guilted into doing. I was constantly promised that if I spent just a little more money that I would earn my next rank, but I never did. I even got in trouble because I wasn’t pushing for my students to sign up for these intensives. This was when I started to fall out of love with that thing I had enjoyed for so much of my childhood.
I don’t remember the moment I fell out of love. There were so many red flags that I couldn’t keep track. I’d like to think it was just a bunch of little things that added up. I was getting pushed to my limit every class, no matter what I was doing I was always doing something wrong, and normally cried out of frustration after class at least once a week. They were trying to isolate me from my friends outside the school, tried to convince me I didn’t need a college degree to succeed and that I could just teach full time, and belittled me every chance they got.
Every day I forced myself to go to class, because I thought that’s what I wanted. But in the end, I realized that’s what they wanted: free labor and to use me. In the meeting where I told them I was leaving for good, I walked to my car and burst into tears. It’s one of the hardest things I had to do for myself. In the next couple weeks, I got many calls, emails, and messages from my school at first asking me to come back, then threatening and blackmailing me. It was interesting to say the least. I was labeled a traitor for quitting, and the people there I considered family completely stopped talking to me. I’d never felt that broken.
It took a lot of therapy, reflection, and realizing how much of my life was affected by them. I gained my self-confidence again, and I even started teaching kids again. But there’s still PTSD, and unfortunately, I think it will remain there for a bit. But for those of us who have gone through this, you’re not alone. We have felt the hurt, betrayal, heartbreak, all of it. But stay strong, because there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Leaving is all worth it in the end.
