Like most children first learning how to ride a bike, I used training wheels. The more confident I became, the more I enjoyed riding my bike, within the parameters of the training wheels of course.
One day my dad was helping me ride my bike without training wheels. At first I was afraid I might fall. But in a seamless moment, my dad let go. The moment of joyously soaring down the driveway is etched into my memory. I felt like I could do anything. After that, I loved riding for miles with my brother and friends (it was the 1980s in rural West Texas, so riding bikes all over town was no big deal).
Sometimes all it takes for someone to soar is for their leader to let go.
Last night I was teaching a red belt/black stripe student his new form, Taeguk Pal Jang (8). This young man is a star sparring athlete, but takes his traditional taekwondo training just as seriously. We were accompanied by a younger bo dan (black belt candidate) who already knew the form. I jokingly offered the bo dan the opportunity to teach the form, but he shied away. He did, however, at my invitation, correct me a few times when my memory of the form failed me.
Teaching a form can be a little awkward because there are several directional changes, and I like to make sure I’m in the line of sight of my student. Many forms end with a turn toward the back of the starting point. When we got to that point in the form I noticed the bo dan performing and verbally calling out the movements I was teaching. As seamlessly as my father let go of me, I backed away and remained silent while this boy taught the other student the remaining movements of his form.
“And you said you didn’t want to teach. Look what you just did!” I told him. The bo dan beamed with pride, and the other student new to the form seemed to feel safe and supported with his two coaches flanking him. After class I bragged on the bo dan’s leadership skills to one of the master instructors at our school.
While I do leadership development for a living, some of the best leadership training and practice has happened in my taekwondo practice. Here are some takeaways from last night’s experience:
1. Offer new leadership experience, even if they claim not to be ready. I was halfway joking with the young bo dan when I offered for him to teach, but I wanted him to know that the experience was available to him and that I saw potential in him.
2. Be a safe haven for practice. Knowing my dad would catch me gave me the confidence to try riding a bike without training wheels. I didn’t push the bo dan when he said he didn’t want to teach, but I observed him while we were guiding the lower ranking student through his new form to look for cues that he could help coach his fellow student. I allowed him to finish teaching the form without feedback or constructive criticism and simply congratulated him for doing something new. There will be time for feedback later.
3. Share the praise. Earlier that same day one of my leaders pointedly said to a person on a call that I “led” (their word) the design of something at work, giving me full credit for the accomplishment. That meant the world to me. I had that on my mind when I praised the bo dan to the master instructor, hopefully sharing the confidence I had in him with another person in authority.
4. Step back and let them soar. I once coached a director at a small hospital who said she knew her top performers were going to leave, so she made it her mission to develop people up to the point where they could take roles at larger hospitals within the system. If my dad had never let go, I would have never learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. A good leader always reaches that point with their employee that they can let go. Sometimes that means the employee leaves for another company or position, and we can’t take that departure personally. Instead, we can see the positive side of our contribution to their growth and maybe even gain loyalty if the employee stays on in another role, and in martial arts terms, if the black belt stays on to help teach and coach (secondary to their own training, of course).
I feel confident that that young bo dan will do an excellent job at his upcoming black belt test. More importantly, I believe he feels that same confidence.