“Hands up! Hands UP!!”
Pop into our dojang on any given night and you’ll probably hear my instructor, me, or another black belt yelling at students to keep their hands up, ready to block or strike at a moment’s notice. We keep our hands up most importantly to block blows to the body or head, plus, keeping our hands up is also very useful for maintaining balance during fast-moving drills. (And we’re not doing Riverdance because we like looking cool.)
Learning a martial art has taught me to always be a little bit on guard–ready to move, dodge, or simply keep a keen side eye on someone who might be at threat to my safety. I’m not paranoid; I’m just smarter about my surroundings than I used to be.
I’ve also unfortunately learned I have to be on guard with more people in my life than I thought, including people I genuinely liked and trusted. Recently something happened that, while not a big deal in the large scheme of things, still bothered me deeply and made me question whether I can ever fully trust that certain person. I felt vulnerable, exposed, and embarrassed. I don’t think this person even realized they hurt me, but their actions showed they didn’t have much foresight into how it might have affected me. I have seen them do something similar in the past, so maybe it’s my own fault for not being more guarded in the first place
A larger situation I’ve been facing has shown me who I can truly rely on and trust. It’s shown me who I can go to for comfort and who I need to be more careful around. I have to see this particular person on a semi-regular basis although I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping my distance. They mean me no harm, but this is not the first time this person has crossed the line. We both need things from each other, and I am more than happy to play nice…and my guard is up. My hands are up, I’m on the balls of my feet, and I’m ready to move quickly to protect myself.
Thankfully my taekwondo family are just about on par with my blood family–I trust them completely. Maybe beating the crap out of each other brings a certain intimacy to the relationship, but more likely it’s our deeply rooted bond over something we love to do. The desire to help, serve, and lift others up is implicit. In other non-taekwondo/non-family areas of my life I’m looking out for Number One. Although I’m interacting with, helping, and serving others, my ultimate priority is protecting my well-being, interests, goals, and plans. My guard is up, and incidents like these show me (the hard way) that I need to keep it up at all times. Sometimes you have to get hit to learn how to defend. Just like in a fight, it’s a necessary and sad truth.